Me too bud, me too

It's 2:00 AM when I look at the clock in the car- I've been driving for hours but I'm still no closer to wherever it is I'm going, I'm certainly no farther from wherever it is I was before, and if I'm running from something it's still there, somewhere in the dark, waiting.

I can't help but notice him at the stoplight. It's our 10th meeting of the night, the street lights and traffic signals give only a glimpse of the man sitting behind the wheel, but somehow I feel like we are bonding in the darkness amidst the miles we are racking up.

I wonder if the expression on his face and his midnight escapade is one of remembering, or forgetting. I wonder if the songs playing on his radio are as haunting as mine, or if he has tried to turn around and go home as many times as I have- only to realize it's pointless, it's more lonely there than here.

I wonder where it is he'd rather be.
I wonder where it is I'd rather be, too.

I drive for another hour almost before my own epiphany- the tragedy of all of this is that I don't know if I want to remember, or want to forget. And no matter how many circles I drive in, or how many stops at all night gas stations for caffeine, my heart and my head will just not compromise.


It's late, everything is fuzzy and I have nothing to lose so I call. I can't blame it on drunk dialing- but I figure being sleep deprived is close enough.

I need to know. I need to know if right this minute he's somewhere trying to remember, or forget. I need to know if everything meant anything. I need to know if I am crazy or if maybe we are sharing a moment- I need to know..

When he answers I can tell he's been sleeping.

I suddenly remember that I hated that about him. He could sleep no matter what.

I want to scream at him to get the fuck out of my head, that I deserve better. I want him to believe me. I want to convince us both. I want to cry and ask him how he can be sleeping. I want to ask him why it doesn't hurt him too.

But I don't.

I hang up, I drive home, and I lay on the couch.

I remind myself that no matter what it feels like- I will eventually sleep, and the sun will come out, and life will keep going on. I'll remember things I'd like to forget, and forget some things I try so hard to remember.

And on and on and on the days go.